Valentine's Day Reflections

This morning when I was walking to work, “Let’s Get it On” came on my iPod. Now I love this song, but unlike many people, this song does not put me in “the mood.” Rather, it brings to mind images of Frau Farbissenah (sp?) seducing Dr. Evil in one of the Austin Powers films. There, now your Valentine’s Day is tainted by that image too. But that's not really what I wanted to post about.

Whenever Valentine’s Day comes around I always remember Valentine’s Day of 2002. This was a life-changing time period for me. After spending several months in Provo, Utah, Jeremy decided to move back to Hawaii and did so in January 2002. He and I had been in the “off” phase of our on-off relationship, he was tired of the confusion that was life in Provo, and he missed the waves.

After he left, I was conscious of a void in my life that other guys just couldn’t fill. He had become my best friend. When he was no longer a physical presence in my life, I spent a lot of time missing him and thinking about how I felt about him. When Jeremy had been in Provo, my life was quite chaotic with balancing a very busy school program, 3 jobs and marathon training. I recalled that when he was around, at the end of my exhausting days, all I wanted to do was go spend time with Jeremy, and I did. He had a way of calming me, comforting me and making me smile, even when I was at my most stressed. I loved talking with him and found that we related to each other, and understood each other. We had similar philosophies on life. I could say anything to Jeremy and I trusted him completely.

When Jeremy was in Hawaii we spent hours on the phone. We would talk late into the night (for me—Hawaii was 3 hours earlier) and I loved that Jeremy’s voice was the last thing I heard before falling asleep. As our relationship deepened because of my newly realized emotions and our conversations, I felt myself falling in love.

Because “we” were officially off, and Jeremy was in Hawaii, I was dating other guys. On Valentine’s Day of 2002, one guy I had seen a few times made me a romantic candle-lit dinner, gave me flowers –your typical wooing scenario. There was nothing wrong with this guy. He was funny, cute etc. But I couldn’t wait for the evening to end so I could go home and call Jeremy.

For Valentine’s Day I had written Jeremy a letter to express my feelings. I was eager to talk to him after he’d read it. Needless to say, after we talked I stopped seeing other guys. It was just a waste of time because my heart was elsewhere.

I recently found the letter I wrote on my computer and I loved reading it. I had included a long bullet-pointed list of the things I loved and missed about him. For Valentine’s Day in 2004 I expanded that list and gave it to him again. Here are just a few from the 2 ½ page list that made me smile or laugh, some of them being silly or superficial (& withholding the more personal ones):

• When you call me crack-head (He still says this, in the context that I have just said or done something that makes him laugh, or is just bizarre)
• You’re not afraid to go on adventures
• Even though I’m independent and stubborn, I know I could count on you to take care of me (Now that we’re married, I find that Jeremy does take care of me every day)
• You’re not hairy
• Your hugs feel so secure and comforting
• You don’t pretend to be something you aren’t
• You have sexy legs (I’ve always loved skinny little legs and had a distaste for big beefy ones)
• You always laugh at me or with me. I have sooo much fun with you. We are always laughing together.
• You don’t mind that I’m always in my running clothes and un-showered
• When you give me little kisses on the top of my head and on my eyelids
• You like my lazy, minimum-effort hair-dos
• I can be totally honest with you
• Your laugh (It's so infectious and absolute music to my ears)
• You like to eat right and take care of your body and it shows – (so cheesy…)
• You support me always, even in my crazy whims
• You love your family and stand up for them, particularly your younger siblings
• You care about people and always try to treat people well
• You have a real desire to do what is right
• You get along well with my family and enjoy spending time with them.

I love looking at how our relationship has evolved, but enjoy seeing that all of the things on the list hold true now. Today I could add even more to the list. I could fill pages and pages.

One of the things I would add is Jeremy’s care and concern for other people that he shows through thoughtful, unselfish, yet simple acts. Jeremy is so thoughtful and sensitive to my needs every day, which one would hope happens in every marriage, but he is this way with others as well. I don’t think that this caring instinct is common in many men, but maybe I’m wrong.

A couple very recent examples that made me remember how much I love and admire him: My dad was in town for a conference a few weeks ago. He got food poisoning from the conference buffet and was really ill, having spent the whole night at the hotel awake vomiting, dizzy etc. The morning after he got sick he told us that he was okay, he’d just stay at the hotel and order room service liquids—he didn’t want to trouble us, but it was obvious he was dehydrated and still sick. I had to be at work early and had to teach interns that day. Jeremy had a lot of school stuff to do but he wasted no time and went to the store and bought Gatorade, made my dad soup and went to the other side of town to pick him up from his hotel and bring him back to our house. He stayed with him all day so he could make sure my dad was okay.

Just last week Jeremy had some time off of school and went to southern California to surf and see his brothers. He went down earlier in the week and I joined him towards the end of the week. Before I got down there Jeremy made a point to visit my grandparents. My granddad had recently fallen and had a painful hip (later found to be a fractured pelvic bone). Jeremy transitioned him from a cane that he was using incorrectly and painfully to a walker, which improved his safety and alleviated his pain substantially. He made my grandparents a week’s worth of homemade butternut squash soup and he helped them with their errands. My grandma sent us an email after we’d returned and said “And Jeremy, thanks for helping us the other day. You were such a blessing, and you do things so casually, without any ceremony.”
Jeremy doesn’t hesitate to help when he knows of a need, even if he there are other things he has planned to do with his time.

Valentine’s Day can be a fluffy holiday, full of commercialism and whatnot. But I love that each year in February I remember that time when I realized what I had in Jeremy-- I think of my Jeremy list and am full of gratitude and love for everything he is. I’m so grateful I had another chance to be with him, and that I will be forever. I can’t imagine being with anyone else and I feel like I’m the luckiest girl in the world.